Keep Strengthening Your Friendship as Marriage Mates

1 GOOD friends are a gift from Jehovah (Jas. 1:17). They love him and they love us. They rejoice when we are happy, they comfort us when we are sad, and they honestly advise us when we need it. They are loyal and dependable. Friends like that truly “make the heart rejoice” (Prov. 27:9).

Good friends are a gift from Jehovah because they reflect his love. They are loyal, dependable, and they support us in happy times as well as in times of sadness or when we need honest counsel.

A spiritual friend is not moved by selfish interest. That friendship is built on godly principles, so it helps us remain firm in the truth and truly gladdens the heart.

2 Husbands and wives, then, should work at becoming better friends. They should not neglect their friendship but should keep strengthening it all the time. Otherwise, they could begin to feel lonely, frustrated, and even angry. But if they work to keep their friendship growing, they will enjoy the closest relationship that can exist between two humans (read Matthew 19:6). In this article, we will consider what husbands and wives can do to keep strengthening their friendship. But first we will see what can help a single Christian wisely choose the person who will be his or her best friend for the rest of life.

It is important because marriage does not stay strong on its own. If the friendship is neglected, loneliness, frustration, or resentment can appear, but if it keeps growing, the couple can enjoy the closest human relationship possible.

Matthew 19:6 reminds us that Jehovah joins the couple together as one flesh. Strengthening that friendship honors his arrangement and protects the home from the pressure of this system.

3 Big decisions can affect the rest of our life for good or for bad, so before making them we need to think carefully. We need to weigh the likely advantages and disadvantages.

4 One of the most important decisions is choosing whom to marry, since that person will be our lifelong friend. Since Jehovah is the one who created marriage, the most logical thing is to follow his guidance when making that decision. He wants us to find a good husband or wife and always knows what is best for us (read Proverbs 18:22; Isaiah 48:17, 18). The principles in his Word can help a Christian find someone suitable.

What will help us most is seeking and following Jehovah’s guidance. Since he designed marriage, his principles are the best help in choosing the right mate.

Choosing a marriage mate is a life-shaping decision. Letting passing emotions guide us is dangerous, but letting God’s Word guide us brings peace and lasting benefit.

5 When we get baptized, we become God’s friends. So if you want to get married, you should choose someone who is already Jehovah’s friend. That way you show respect for Jehovah’s standards and can view your husband or wife as a blessing from him. You will also avoid the problems that come from being unevenly yoked with an unbeliever. It would be unwise to date someone who is not a Witness just because you have not found anyone suitable among Jehovah’s people. Nor would it be right to justify it by thinking that the person may later accept the truth.

It is important because marrying only in the Lord is a clear command from Jehovah. Choosing someone who is already God’s friend protects the marriage and avoids the pain of an unequal yoke.

The paragraph corrects two dangerous lines of reasoning: dating an unbaptized person out of impatience or hoping that he or she will later accept the truth. Waiting on Jehovah is always wiser.

6 Now, do not assume that just any baptized person will be suitable for you. If you are interested in someone, ask yourself: “How does he or she treat family members? Is that person considerate and respectful? What kind of friends does he or she have? How does that person act when a disagreement comes up? Does he or she insist on getting his or her own way, or is there a willingness to yield when no Bible principle is involved? What attitude does that person have toward money?”

7 It is also good to ask yourself: “Is it obvious that this person deeply loves Jehovah? Is he or she working hard to put on the new personality? Will this person help me serve Jehovah better? Do we have the same spiritual goals? Can I realistically see each of us becoming the other’s best friend?” Use the courtship period to get to know the person well.

You need to look carefully at the other person’s conduct, spirituality, and goals. Being baptized alone is not enough. You need to see whether that person truly loves Jehovah and whether both of you could help each other spiritually.

Courtship is meant to help you know the real person, not an idealized version. Watching how that person treats family, handles disagreements, and views money reveals a great deal about married life later.

8 During courtship, something that will help you make a good decision is trying to find out what the person is really like. Ask others what they think of that person’s reputation and qualities. For example, is he or she known for being humble, kind, and reasonable? You may also tactfully ask the person if there is anything from the past or present that you should know, since certain matters can later cause serious trouble in a marriage.

9 If you have serious doubts about the person or if mature friends mention something that concerns them, take that seriously. That will help you decide whether you should marry that person or not. Next, we will consider how married couples can strengthen their friendship.

It helps a lot to discreetly investigate the person’s reputation and to take seriously the concerns of mature Christians or deep doubts that arise during courtship.

Taking warning signs seriously is not a lack of love but a sign of maturity. Listening to people who know the person well can prevent very painful mistakes.

10 Husbands and wives strengthen their friendship and their marriage by making time to be together even when they are very busy. This allows them to talk about what happened during the day, share their deepest thoughts and feelings, show affection, and simply do enjoyable things together.

Because spending time together feeds the friendship. It gives them room to speak openly, express affection, and keep joy alive in the relationship.

Marital friendship needs real time, not just living under the same roof. Emotional closeness grows when a couple shares calm, enjoyable moments.

11 If husband and wife are good friends, they will prefer to be together, not apart. Of course, there may be times when they temporarily cannot be together. But being far away from each other for long periods can be dangerous. That decision may bring financial benefits, but it can also cause serious damage to the marriage.

Long separations can endanger marital friendship. Even if such a decision brings financial benefits, it can cool the relationship and weaken trust.

The marriage bond is worth more than any material advantage. When distance drags on too long, emotional and spiritual risks increase for the couple.

12 Some couples deliberately arrange their schedule so they can keep spending time together. One wife said: “We had to include time together in our schedule just as we do for other important matters.” Another explained that sometimes they put their phones away so they will not be distracted.

13 Above all, spend time together in spiritual activities. Some couples read the Bible together, talk about what they can apply, pray together, and especially enjoy preaching together.

Many couples deliberately set aside time in their schedule, avoid distractions, and give priority to shared spiritual activities such as Bible reading, prayer, and preaching together.

After our devotion to Jehovah, our spouse should hold a very important place in our life. When a couple shares spiritual activities, their friendship deepens in a special way.

14 Because of imperfection, marriages will have problems. Even the strongest marriages will face disagreements. When those problems arise, husband and wife must work hard to stay united and solve them. Why?

15 Think of a valuable work of art or a famous building. If it suffers damage, the owners will most likely decide to restore it because it is very valuable. Similarly, all marriages are very valuable. And just as something damaged can be restored, a marriage that has gone through serious problems can be saved. Restoration requires time and effort, but Jehovah is pleased when a husband and wife work to strengthen their bond and remain united.

They should work to solve problems because marriage is very precious in Jehovah’s eyes. Even when it has suffered damage, it can be restored with time, effort, and love.

The restoration illustration is powerful: just as something valuable deserves careful repair, a Christian marriage deserves patience and determined effort to preserve it.

16 If problems arise in your marriage, do not be quick to separate from your mate. Instead, ask yourself: “Can I do more to strengthen our friendship?” Review what the Bible says about showing love and think about whether you can improve in any of the areas mentioned at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. Rather than looking for a way out of your marriage, look for a way back into your mate’s heart. Focus on what you can do to repair your relationship. Ask for Jehovah’s guidance. Look for help in the publications and videos, and consult the elders and other mature Christians.

What can help a troubled marriage is honest self-examination based on 1 Corinthians 13, prayer for Jehovah’s guidance, and making use of spiritual help from publications and mature Christians.

The thought of finding a way back into your mate’s heart is beautiful. It encourages a person to fight for the relationship instead of first looking for a way out.

17 Jehovah wants all his servants to be happy, including those who are thinking about marriage and those who are already married. If you are single and want to marry, choose carefully the friend and companion who will be with you for life. And if you are married, keep strengthening your friendship with your mate. Work hard to solve the problems that arise in your marriage, always relying on Jehovah’s help.

Single Christians can be happy by carefully choosing a mate who loves Jehovah, and married Christians can be happy by continuing to strengthen their friendship and dealing with problems with God’s help.

The central message of the article is very practical: whether before or after marriage, happiness comes from obeying Jehovah and placing great value on friendship within marriage.